Redefining

 For the first time in my life, I don’t have a corporate job title.  I’ve decided to take a break from lending.  I am focused on writing, publishing, and procurement.  This is a leap of faith, but I’m ready for the journey.    I had been emotionally and mentally quiet quitting for some time.  I finally have cut the strings by not starting the cycle of lending again. The interest rates and market values helped me come to this conclusion: 

I loved my job.  I loved helping people gain ownership.  After some sobering thoughts about the consequences of the job, and the amount of fortitude and resistance it takes to perform on the job, I decided that I c
ould afford to be a different me.

There is just one issue.  Mortgage Lending is all I’ve ever done professionally.  No matter how many others jobs I had over 24 years, I was always a lender.  I had often thought, what would I do if I didn’t lend?  It’s not really an industry one totally escapes.  The time flexibility, and the pay alone keep you beholden to it.   So, who would I be, if not LENDINGBLISS the #mortgagegal?  Obviously, I know I’m capable of more than just lending, but I’ve realized that lending has become such a core part of my identity.  Without it, I feel a little…empty.

In the few weeks without the title and having to explain to so many people that I’m resting from the industry, I’ve had time to ponder this question.  Who am I?  I have clearly defined plans.  Doors are opening and things are coming together nicely.   I’m experiencing freedom and peace that I’ve not known before; yet these thoughts linger.  Who will recognize me? Do I recognize me?

When I was a lender, it was difficult to get people to understand exactly what it was that I did.    To me, it was clear cut.  Most people thought I was a realtor.  I don’t know if people just said they didn’t understand what I did so they would not have to refer me, or if they truly didn’t get it.  I mean these were the responses from educated and affluent friends with homes.  It was often weird.  No matter who didn’t understand what I did, I understood it.   I had a defined recognized purpose and title.

Even still, my validation was constantly challenged.  Sales is always getting people to choose you.  Begging for people to do business with you.  At the very least, getting people to even acknowledge you.  You’d be surprised how easy it is to ignore a salesperson. Over time, you grow a thick skin… until one day you decide to take a break.  Then there is that.  I’ve never taken a break from lending.  What does that even look like?

I realized these thoughts and feelings I’ve been experiencing over the last two weeks were about validation.  I wonder if this is what it feels like to retire.  When it’s all said and done, and no one is answering to you, or calling for you, do you still feel accomplished?  Do you still feel like yourself if you aren’t doing the things that have defined you?

While I’m finding my new vibe, frequency, and rhythm in writing/publishing, and procurement, I am learning to appreciate all that I am.

It gives an entirely different definition to the words intrinsic value. My value and validation are in knowing I’m enough with a title, or without one. I am still Bliss, if the creativity sells or if it sits in silence unrecognized. While the latter is unflattering, it is the very essence of what makes me so extraordinarily enough.

At the beginning and end of every day, I’m Bliss.

Believing

Life

Is

Something

Special

 

With or without lending money, advice, or my thoughts. I remember when I chose the brand LENDINGBLISS.  I always knew one day I would do something other than lending.  I thought, I’ll always be lending a part of me, in whatever stage of life I’m in, wherever life takes me.  So, it stuck and it’s still applicable today.  Who knows, maybe one day I’ll return to my roots, or maybe I’ll continue to rest in my existence.  The more I rest in these thoughts, the better it feels to be me. This is who I am. #lifeofbliss

 Abundance Always