Hard Resets and Time Out

 


Life can often throw hard curb balls.  Some times, they hit you in the chest and take the wind out of your lungs.  Some times, you get hit with 2 balls, and go unconscious.

This happened to me recently. Not literally, but metaphorically. Two very different hard balls came flying towards me with hurricane havoc.  One just completely unraveled me.  The other left me  unable to get my personal consciousness/navigation straight. 

Because I have been knocked down, it is time for a time out. What does an adult time out look and feel like?  I am in a place I’ve never been before.  I’m in a place I’ve not imagined for myself.  Its not scary, but its uncomfortable.  It’s a place that I’ve asked for, but it’s a place that I don’t yet know how to navigate.

The facts are that I’m deeply and widely supported.  I know this in my soul, and with the outpouring support evidenced by many in my life.  However,  I’ve never felt more isolated and lonely in my entire life.  There are not words for me to describe the anxiety, anger, pain, loss, and heart ache I feel all at the same time.  I believe that these two circumstances are happening for me, but today, it just hurts to be me.

One is with my family.  In this moment,  Its not my story to tell, and I don’t even have information to adequately process it, so, family drama is the only title it gets.  The other is with my career.  Irony, I’ve been manifesting and praying for this very shift for YEARS!  Now that its here, I’m anxious and overwhelmed by the uncertainty of it all.

The family situation is out of my hands and totally in Gods.  Which is like the hardest thing in the world to step back and let God be God.  So. Very. Hard.  Because, God needs my help right?  The career is not so difficult to allow.  I’ve made a complete mental shift of clarity and focus towards existence.  This is exactly what I manifested.  However, now that its here… I don’t have the inspiration, clarity, and focus that I’d imagine would accompany this phase of abundance. 

So I’m doing something that I’ve never done before. Nothing. The hardest part is explaining to others where I am today.  People always expect you to know.  You have to know where you are,  where you are going, and where you are in relation to others.  Today I don’t know.  Today, I don’t have the answers.  I’m not lost, but I’ve not found what my next step is yet.  I’m in a hard reset with a time out.

 I’m taking a break from people, places, and things, so I can gain clarity and ALLOW what is next in my life to beckon to me.  This is one of the hardest resets I’ve every done, but I know it will be a life defining moment for me. I know it's all working for my good, no matter what it feels like today, which is pretty sad.

Technically, I should be proud of myself.  In any other circumstances, I’d be forced to DO SOMETHING!!!  Today I get the luxury to sit still and do nothing.  It’s a blessing in blessing while it manifest a miracle.

For now, I know I’m supposed to be quiet, learning, and writing.  So for now, I’ll enjoy my tailored time out.


Abundance Always

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