Something to Show
I was with my first boyfriend about 18months and I knew he was not going to be in my future, but I loved his family and he was predictable.
It took me another year to move on and another 6 months to let go.
It felt like what I imagined divorce would be. It felt like failure. It didn't matter that we were two different people, with two different backgrounds, sharing the present space, with no future in sight. All that mattered was I had given a substantial investment of my life to this person and there was little to show for it save some fun trips to ATL, NYC, LAX, MIA. All which left me in debt. All that energy and that is all I had left to show for it.
I remember thinking to myself, my next person is going to be the one, and I'll have something to show for my self investment. I will build a lifetime skyscraper and monument with this one.
And it came to pass...literally.
Over 12 years I met a tall dark and handsome narcissist, gave him 2 sons, married and divorced him. I was a stuck on stupid. I wouldn't let go. I wanted to be a wife and have a family so much I was blind to the emotional abuse I was enduring, and the swelling anger I was compiling. I wanted the dream...and was a slave to my desires. I was traumatized by my codependency upon my now ex husband.
Six months after our youngest child was born I instantly cut him off and moved on.
I was getting wiser.(at a snails pace)
It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I was afraid and a shell of myself. I had to rebuild an entire new life, starting with my identity.
Approaching middle age is a fork in the road. You are forced to assign and align your priorities.
Being a divorced single mom was an interesting liberating metamorphosis.
Everything about how I accepted and engaged relationships changed. Even with friends, family, and my love interest.
It took about 5 years of discovery.
During this time, I learned to love myself first. I wanted something to show for this self love. My relationship with myself would last my entire life. My collection needed to out live me. I changed my "somethings" to reflect my desires and accomplishments.
I wanted international travel.
I wanted real estate ownership, and I wanted designer jewelry. I wanted passive income.
Over time I got all four, and plan to keep adding.
The Jewelry.
How much is too much? When I say so.
I mostly wear White Gold and Silver. I have allergies so other metals don't work well for me. ALSO. I'm lazy, and usually keep my core jewelry on 24/7. Earrings, 2 necklaces, and 4 rings. I lose earrings frequently, so I try to keep them solid metal and smaller. Getting dressed is determining which rings and bracelets to wear, Special Occassion Earrings, or pearls.
People who know the designers and see me wearing ALL my bracelets at one time, surely think "what an ostentatious display of jewelry." I know this because they say these things to me out loud. They say, " You like to wear all your jewelry at one time."
Of course I do. Why would I let it sit in a jewelry chest?
I manifested every piece of jewelry I wear. It was a physical representation of a goal or milestone.
I don't need a reason, gaudy is good.
But in reality, that is far from how I feel. In reality Im a little girl who never imagined a world where she could and would live this reality, but does everyday.
The jewelry represents alot.
It is a visible representation of manifested miracles in my life.
It is layers of permanent growth that will serve me for the remainder of my life.
Most importantly it is a reminder that I am LOVED because of WHO I am, not what I do. I firmly believe that you should have something to show for your time here on earth, and in each relationship you have. The most important thing is that you do so financially sustainably and emotionally responsibly.
I too suffer from conpare and despair. However I have mastered delayed gratification. Otherwise you'll just be financing your emotional inadequacies versus celebrating your achievements.
If you aren't building monuments of positive memories, (quality time spent) crowns of crystals( empowering emotional investment), and Legalized Legacies( profitability and real estate), why waste your time and investment in hollow relationships with people? Chiefly, starting with yourself.
So I admit, it's a bit much, but possibly never enough...
To show for all the people and things that have happened FOR me and have left me with something to show for my life investment.
What somethings in your life represent your individual growth journey? What do you collect? What will you leave behind?
#lifeofbliss #somethingtoshow #jewelry
It took me another year to move on and another 6 months to let go.
It felt like what I imagined divorce would be. It felt like failure. It didn't matter that we were two different people, with two different backgrounds, sharing the present space, with no future in sight. All that mattered was I had given a substantial investment of my life to this person and there was little to show for it save some fun trips to ATL, NYC, LAX, MIA. All which left me in debt. All that energy and that is all I had left to show for it.
I remember thinking to myself, my next person is going to be the one, and I'll have something to show for my self investment. I will build a lifetime skyscraper and monument with this one.
And it came to pass...literally.
Over 12 years I met a tall dark and handsome narcissist, gave him 2 sons, married and divorced him. I was a stuck on stupid. I wouldn't let go. I wanted to be a wife and have a family so much I was blind to the emotional abuse I was enduring, and the swelling anger I was compiling. I wanted the dream...and was a slave to my desires. I was traumatized by my codependency upon my now ex husband.
Six months after our youngest child was born I instantly cut him off and moved on.
I was getting wiser.(at a snails pace)
It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I was afraid and a shell of myself. I had to rebuild an entire new life, starting with my identity.
Approaching middle age is a fork in the road. You are forced to assign and align your priorities.
Being a divorced single mom was an interesting liberating metamorphosis.
Everything about how I accepted and engaged relationships changed. Even with friends, family, and my love interest.
It took about 5 years of discovery.
During this time, I learned to love myself first. I wanted something to show for this self love. My relationship with myself would last my entire life. My collection needed to out live me. I changed my "somethings" to reflect my desires and accomplishments.
I wanted international travel.
I wanted real estate ownership, and I wanted designer jewelry. I wanted passive income.
Over time I got all four, and plan to keep adding.
The Jewelry.
How much is too much? When I say so.
I mostly wear White Gold and Silver. I have allergies so other metals don't work well for me. ALSO. I'm lazy, and usually keep my core jewelry on 24/7. Earrings, 2 necklaces, and 4 rings. I lose earrings frequently, so I try to keep them solid metal and smaller. Getting dressed is determining which rings and bracelets to wear, Special Occassion Earrings, or pearls.
People who know the designers and see me wearing ALL my bracelets at one time, surely think "what an ostentatious display of jewelry." I know this because they say these things to me out loud. They say, " You like to wear all your jewelry at one time."
Of course I do. Why would I let it sit in a jewelry chest?
I manifested every piece of jewelry I wear. It was a physical representation of a goal or milestone.
I don't need a reason, gaudy is good.
But in reality, that is far from how I feel. In reality Im a little girl who never imagined a world where she could and would live this reality, but does everyday.
The jewelry represents alot.
It is a visible representation of manifested miracles in my life.
It is layers of permanent growth that will serve me for the remainder of my life.
Most importantly it is a reminder that I am LOVED because of WHO I am, not what I do. I firmly believe that you should have something to show for your time here on earth, and in each relationship you have. The most important thing is that you do so financially sustainably and emotionally responsibly.
I too suffer from conpare and despair. However I have mastered delayed gratification. Otherwise you'll just be financing your emotional inadequacies versus celebrating your achievements.
If you aren't building monuments of positive memories, (quality time spent) crowns of crystals( empowering emotional investment), and Legalized Legacies( profitability and real estate), why waste your time and investment in hollow relationships with people? Chiefly, starting with yourself.
So I admit, it's a bit much, but possibly never enough...
To show for all the people and things that have happened FOR me and have left me with something to show for my life investment.
What somethings in your life represent your individual growth journey? What do you collect? What will you leave behind?
#lifeofbliss #somethingtoshow #jewelry
Comments
Post a Comment